I Like To Make Myself Believe
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: Michael songfic - with fireflies by Owl City. Got this song in my head atm and it fitted so... Please R&R!


**This is Michael's songfic - I never expected this song for him... Then again, half of the songs I don't expect for fics!**

**I own nothing - neither the song nor the characters**

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_You would not believe your eyes if 10 million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep._

If I said I were a vampire to the people in Dallas, or the man who asked me to go there, they'd have never believed me. Just as if ten million fireflies appeared when I fall asleep, it's highly ridiculous! The existence of vampires is now subjected to either fairytales or books so if I said I was one, it would have looked highly ridiculous. I mean, I look like an angel (no blowing of my trumpet!) with blonde hair and blue eyes - no way would anyone expect me to have no heartbeat and to drink human blood. Other than those in Morganville.

I wish that I could have Shane not believe that I was a vampire. I wish that we could go back to how we were before I made the life changing decision to step up my supernatural status from a ghost to a vampire.

Because I really miss him - when I sleep, that's the only time when I can remember how we used to be. When we could have a laugh and he wouldn't ever be scared or worried when I was around.

_Cause they'd fill up the open air and leave teardrops everywhere. You'd think me rude but I'd just stand and stare._

I'd watch the world go around and around everyday if it meant that Shane would be normal again with me. I love Eve, with all my heart (even though it's stopped beating), but she isn't all I need. I need my best friend to play games with on the games console, to have a laugh with, to just have fun with.

But he never wants to be like this again.

_I'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly. And it's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep, cause everything is never as it seems._

When I'm asleep, I can remember the past. I remember when Shane used to laugh in front of me and actually get along with me. I'd love to make myself believe that my dreams are reality and that reality is simply dream world... But I can't. I know that when I dream, it is simply bringing up all of my past memories, the good and the wonderful, of Shane and myself. It sounds so 'loverish', my wishing for us to be close, but it's not. We were in a bromance, but then the ties were severed most abruptly in the blink of an eye.

Everything that seems brilliant in my dreams turns out to be dire and appalling in real life. Sleep brings with it so many brilliant things, yet real life just highlights the problems I face. The stark contrast between my dreams and reality frankly astounds me at times - if I could merge them together, life would be so much easier!

_Leave my door open just a crack. I feel like such an insomniac. Why do I tire of counting sheep? When I'm far too tired to fall asleep._

Now, I'm finding it hard to sleep. I cannot think of the good times I shared with Shane... Only the bad memories surface in my mind when I try to sleep. Then they keep me awake, agonising over what I can do to try and change my life for the better - it's an impossible situation!

_To ten million fireflies, I'm weird because I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell._

I can't let go of the good memories in our 'bromance' because then it would be admitting defeat. I cannot bid farewell to the fond memories Shane and I shared, yet if I don't, Eve will feel confused. I bet she already thinks that I'm 'hankering after' Shane... Even though it's only because I miss my best friend from school. I'm not going to cry if the memories fade away... But I know I'm going to miss him.

_But I'll know where several are, if my dreams get real bizarre, cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar._

My memories will always remain. Even if Shane never fully accepts my status as a vampire, those eighteen years from before it remain etched in my mind. I will not forget the good times we have shared, the four of us together. I have written down every single memory of us, funny, big, inconsequentially small, and after they have all died I will remember them all.

Because they deserve to be remembered.

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**Not my best oneshot, yet I think it fits pretty well with the song.**

**Vicky xx**


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